One of the symptoms, or maybe one of the contributors to my depression is insomnia. Lying in bed, dog tired and not being able to sleep is one of the most annoying damn things. I know how it's going to impact my ability to get going in the morning because I do, eventually, sleep; and I also know how it's going to impair my brain functioning during my work day.
It wrecks my whole freaking feng shui.
I managed to go about my business today but I'm sure I had a very bewildered look on my face the whole time. I'm working for a company in their offices at present and the office we work in is full of people. No other offices in the company are like this one: today there were 6 people working on 6 computers in a room that usually has 3 or so. I am pretty sure there wasn't any *real* nervous energy or anything - we were all working on our own thing and relatively successfully I suppose - but I just felt cramped and pressured. I don't think I was the only one, my colleague asked to go for coffee midmorning and she also seemed frazzled by the working conditions wondering how to juggle her day to avoid coming into the office tomorrow.
My colleague and I are working together on a phase of a larger project, and had opportunity to go onsite with the client this afternoon. What a huge difference in their offices. The people who work for our client radiate passion and intelligence and capability. They also conveyed a hell of a lot of genuine positive feedback on the work they've seen so far which is simply wonderful to hear first hand and something that often doesn't get passed on to and down to our levels. This isn't isolated, its experienced each and everytime I have met with these people. Everytime I come away from one of the meetings I feel enthused and refreshed and generally impressed as to how I can pick up so much positive energy.
We walked back to the office in the misty rain - at first reinforcing with each other that we really do feel marvellous after spending time with these people, then firing ideas back and forth as to what our next steps/plans/agendas will be carrying our phase of the project through; until we get back to the crowded space we need to work in and instantly feel uncomfortable once again. Our dreary dark gray walled [now] cramped office compared to their natural light filled offices walled in deep rich colours.
Environment plays a big part I think. These people own their own environment, the community decides how it's going to be and are very proud and careful of their surroundings. So does culture, leadership, and support. Not that I feel unsupported where I work, but I do feel lost with no real direction to speak of.
None of this contributes to my depressive state at present - its chemical and it will pass. But it makes me think, about how simple things can mean a lot to people who have to spend most of their daylight hours working for an employer - and the rewards that employer would reap is incredible and makes such powerful business sense.
Speaking of buiness, James and I are going to Thrive next Thursday. I don't know about him but I need a good motivational kick-in-the-pants to get me thru the next few months.
Due to some luck and some good management, I'm really busy and have been pretty much full time since deciding to go into business for myself. The down side of being so busy is that I haven't had time to get the nuts and bolts of my business set up right or to do any of the non-money-generating projects that were, almost, the entire reason for striking out on my own anyway.
My feng shui is really out of kilter and maybe listening to some successful business people might help towards finding the alignment for me.
***Rachelle - I owe you email big time - I've been so tempted to publish your story on here but I'm resisting the temptation so far. I promise a mail is coming soon***
| Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Michelleitis | |
| Cause: | self-abuse |
| Symptoms: | forgetting what day it is, cockney accent, gurgling, wheezing |
| Cure: | electroshock therapy |