The Jamjar

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Murmurations

Michelle

My mind is all murmurs and smatterings. It's here; there; everywhere. Meanwhile, my body is belying the mindcrobatics and fanciful notions by remaining passive and still. Mostly because it's fat and lazy - and a little bit sneaky - it might just be running this show.

Mostly I think I'm just really not into the sandwiches I have for lunch. They've been in my bag and have adopted that squashed-in-cling-filmness about them that can be endearing, but today is really not cutting it. I guess I'm not really hungry and that I should just bin these soggy flat sarnies and get on with my wild imaginings.

"So what are these imaginings?" I hear you ask. Yes, I know you're curious about every nook and cranny of my physche I mean, who wouldn't be? It's a delicate, mercurial creature and just about as fascinating as fuck. That's why when I write about myself my blog readership numbers are up in the double digits. DOUBLE DIGITS, bitches!

Okay so now I'm thinking maybe I haven't eaten enough of those sandwiches because my fingers are typing with no intention of editing a thing - hypoglycemia anyone? (giving it a name doesn't make it less crazy)

How would my life be if I worked half the hours for one third the pay? Could I live on a part-time salary? Would I be functional and productive in the unpaid part of my week? Will I be successful building that rabbit-hutch kit I bought this weekend? Am I brave enough to show you before and after shots of the kitchen I'm about to attack with sandpaper and paint? or the body I am planing to shrink over the next few months? Is this self-sabotage thinking about cutting my income to a level that would mean no chance of buying my own home? or is it a real opportunity for a kick up the bum to make some really cool stuff?

See? all murmurs and smatterings with a definite domination by the fantastic wonderings of working part-time and existing on a third of what I earn now. Maybe my lazy body will save me with inaction and we'll never find out.

PS: Yes I am aware that it's not very mentally healthy to think of myself in such a segmented manner - but it is actually what's going on - my head, my heart, my body, and my imagination are always off doing their own thing with very little regard for the unit as a whole.

 

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