ARIES (March 21-April 19): The United States often leads the way in dreaming up novel gourmet treats, but China is now marketing an amazing product that American food designers haven't even begun to develop: milk beer. Appealing to both the infantile longing for creamy liquid nourishment and the adult craving for inhibition-loosening alcohol, it's bound to become the 21st century's first new staple. From an astrological perspective, Aries, the time is ripe for you to gorge yourself with a blend like milk beer. If it's not yet being sold in your area, I suggest you mix up your own batch. ...go read your own...

[wtf? creamy what?]