a) JJ Please.. please don't be anything but yourself, and your posts are fabulous - God knows I'm not adding to the 'Jar much these days, and you know how much I love your writing and your EOFL*s so stop apologising and keep typing, I love you and fall at the bar stool next to you buying you copious pints in gratitude for writing here. (I was going to fall-at-your-feet in gratitude but I'm not as much use there)

and b) I want to talk about Celebrity Treasure Island, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and the Naked Samoans, but I can't get my ducks in a line, my vowels in sequence, the cat has my tongue.

I want to talk about Greer Robson's bossoms, and Nikki Watson's hipbones, and Marc Ellis' cunning and Mathew Ridge's eyebrow. I want to talk about how too many alpha males and too much Estee Lauder makeup make for a fantastic reality show.

I need to share how much fun I had watching the first episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy was last night, how every time I saw Kyan I sighed and melted left the same way we all did when Heath Ledger road over the brow of the hill, freshly trimmed and washed in A Knight's Tale. I want you to realise how funny their comments were even though I can't remember one single one of them correctly.

You need to understand how terrible New Zealand comedians are, on the whole. That despite the fact every second farmer and his pig dog want to be a comedian, most of the people standing on the stage at the Comedy Club are vulgar and not funny. There are some fabulous exceptions to the rule, and a group of five guys of them from the Islands have a show called The Naked Samoans. I laughed last year, their no-props from-life humour was gentle and touching and funny and intelligent. Never mind that Oscar Kightley is hilarious all on his own - and i'm going to say it and you can't stop me but.. ethnic humour is funny.. whether it's Greek or Italian or Jewish or Samoan, it's funny when done with love. Except German, I've never seen anything German AND funny.

*Emails of Frightening Length