Pericles

Dude, that Pericles, he was having a baddd day at the end there. Just sitting, not talking to anyone, not looking at anyone. Only eating enough to prolong his grief. He should've just killed himself. He'd probably've been happier. He was too bereft and ruined from grief to managed that. I would never had lasted so long.. I mean all the stuff he went through. I would've been a mess after the first ship wreak - and he was ship wrecked TWICE for god sakes - and he still carried on! Hells, I would've killed myself as soon as I found out my girl friend was sleeping with her father! Thank goodness Shakespeare didn't write stories about you, Michelle. Least they would've been short.

I am no viper, yet I feed
On mother's flesh which did me breed.
I sought a husband, in which labour
I found that kindness in a father:
He's father, son, and husband mild;
I mother, wife, and yet his child.
How they may be, and yet in two,
As you will live, resolve it you.

Pericles Prince of Tyre by William Shakespeare

(I'm not saying Bell Shakespeare's Pericles was long - I'm just saying had William Shakespeare been inspired to write about me, he wouldn't have had much material. Pericles was, in fact, very enjoyable; especially the music and the sets. But man, what a story - you can't make that shit up! oh wait..) PS: this post was "lifted approximately" (because I can't remember the actual words well enough) from a conversation I had with Fox on our way out of The Playhouse last night. While it is not verbatim, it is true to the spirit of the gist of the thing.
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Provenance

It's not that she walked in on me in the bathroom that was the real problem. It was the fact she came back for a second time to tell me that this happens to her, "..all the time." "So many times," she continued, that she'd actually "lost count." I reassured her that she wouldn't have to wait long, but that she would have to wait outside the bathroom. She was gone by the time I'd washed my hands and left the Ladies to return to the dining table. I saw her, mid-squat, telling her friends what I assumed was the story of her walking in on me sitting on the toilet. I assume this because of her exaggerated, animated gestures and scrunched-up face. Her friends were mesmerised by her retelling. I took a detour on my way back to my table, and went over to hers, putting an arm around her hunched, crouched body - startling her out of her caricature - and said "I'm sure my face didn't look like *that* - I was only peeing."
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