I'm not happy. I have a head ache the size of Texas. And I am so angry with myself I could smack someone (else of course). It's just.. I want.. I have... and.. arg... then... ggrrrr...ardvark... tomorrow... hose... and... then... I have.. and.. *screams* I wonder if it's fixable. --------

My brain is fuzzy.. I found this photograph, as you can see it's not had a very happy life. My mother has a large hand tinted one at home in the basement under some old newspapers. I remember having this picture taken. I remember having to wear that dress, how the tarten itched and I worried that Jo would wiggle off the ironing board we were made to perch on. The photographer had convinced my mother to have us photographed, even though she really couldn't afford it. He said "what if they all died tomorrow, you wouldnt even have a picture of them". How horrible is that? See that expression on Jo's face.. she still wears that at times, that's funny to me. I lived in Rotorua until I was 14 years old. I went to Westbrook Primary School (was one of the founding pupils actually) and then to McKillop College. On Friday, a woman from my college class was appointed cheif honcho of all that is Telecom. She is 37 and has a salary to make anyone weak at the knees. It's rude to talk about your own salary and even worse to reveal others, but let's just say, it's not over $2 million dollars a year, but it's over $1.8 million dollars a year. That's a lot of money. Just imagine the computer set up you could have with that kinda money rolling in every week. She probably gets about $100,000 per month after tax. I can't even imagine that much money. I would love to be able to though. That school has produced some over achievers. Susan Devoy, World Squash Champ for 9 years running. Jan Corbett, award winning journalist and recently, successful author. Um. okay. that's all I can think of at the moment, but I am sure there are others. Oh yeh, Kathryn Sharplin, works for the Treasury Dept. down in Wellington in some not-so-minor-way. Cor, to go to a reunion, you would have to at least get a tailored jacket and a hair cut *s*.

Wayne, Joanne, Michelle
approx. 1968

I'm tired, yeh but really tired. I slept four hours after school today, and i have just put my hotty into my bed cos I am going to crawl in there in a minute. I am going to try taking iron again, and if that fails go get an iron booster I guess. I bought some sulpher today, I hope it helps my itching.. its like my skin is crawling all the time, but there is no evidence, no rash or any other weirdass ugly thing to suggest its anything serious, but its damned annoying. I am overdue for a cervical smear. I don't care how gross it is, I don't feel like being nongross. Those smear tests freak some women out, I don't really care, I mean, I don't go looking forward to them but i just zone out and try not to wince. I guess I have put it off cos my doc is going to take one look at me, bend me over, and shove a big sharp needle full of iron into my butt cheek. He loves doing that, cos it leaves a nice brown stain for the next couple of weeks, not to mention the feeling like I have sat down hard on something. They do work though, for a while. I am just so sick of needles. I would still rather be a woman, for all the poking and prodding we put up with, i would still rather be a girl. I like to be able to think of two billion things all the same time, I like being able to do four things at once, I like being able to pick up peoples feelings and hear words that arent spoken. A lot of men cant do that. I sacrafice a brain that can't cope with the concept of numbers, a small price to pay, i say. It's weird when Sander is away. Not right. I keep thinking he's going to arrive, but of course he won't. And Thursday seems a long way away at the moment.

The Rocking Chair
9 August 1943
Pablo Picasso
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