Here I am with the end in sight so I promptly bunked off Friday’s Boxfit class and fell right off my nutrition plan and into a pile of toast!

This is a great example of how I sabotage myself ev er ry time. These last five weeks have been good, but hard. Hard to get out of bed and go to the gym. Hard to remember to eat often enough of the right kinds of foods to make sure I don’t get too hungry and eat a pile of toast instead. Hard to be in a gym with other people who have been doing this intense exercise stuff for MUCH longer than me and have to so star jumps. Or mountain-climbers. Or chin-ups (more link bar-hangs in my case). Hauling my exhausted, weak-legged, lycra-clad self back up to my office to shower (yes they do have showers at the gym but I’m just too fat to deal) and get back to work and perspire out of my FACE for the next two hours while my body tries to come to grips with the fact my heart rate is back to normal.

Hard to then do it the next day, then the next and then the next - my choice, yes - but still hard. With lots of points where my Lazy Brain is saying “C’monnnn, you can stop now, you’ve done enough” and “Just stay in bed, it’s okay to rest, resting is part of fitness” and “Honey on toast. Honey. On. Toast."

But I do it because I feel great. It makes me feel great. I am looking great. I’m much stronger. I love doing whatever I’m doing once I’m there. I’m doing it because if I keep doing it, this time next year I’ll be just like those other people in my class who can do burpees, and gecko-crawls and remember the boxing combinations. I want to be fit and strong for the rest of my life.

My potential for problems are all that “getting there” and the “cooling down afterwards” which I can handle when I’m organised and on my game, but it’s the part that is fraught with opportunities for my Lazy Brain to win points and drag me back to inactivity if I’m a bit tired or have snoozed too long or have missed afternoon snacks and people are cracking open the Arnott’s Mint Slices to share around the team for treats.

I just wanted to acknowledge to myself, to my “self talk” that is isn’t all raspberries and unicorns changing my life. I haven’t just flipped a switch and it’s all good. My age-old sabotage mentality is the real battle I’m fighting here. Most days so far I won, but this last week has been a shaky draw.