Dear Your Royal Highness,

I am writing in response to the vacancy advertised in the Monaco Royal Mail for Princess to Your Majesty.

I have recently completed a 5 year degree at the University of Switzerland gaining a Masters Degree in Royal Protocol, majoring in Paparazzi Management and Handbag Co-ordination. [attached: Thesis "Royalty in the Millenium: Looking Busy to Justify Exsistance - It's a Good Thing"]

Working with various royal families during my years in college has seen my rapid rise through the royal ranks, gaining favour in the Courts of Europe and lending a willing ear and, at times, an eager mouth to gain experience in the ways of royal households. Until recently I have been shortlisted as New Mistress to the British Prince but unfortunately, the scope of that appointment has grown into areas that are at odds with my core values and clash with my allergy to horse hair.

As your Princess I would appear demur and attractive in public, constantly aware that it is you who is in the spotlight and will work tirelessly to ensure you are always photographed in the best possible light. I will work in the skiing off-season on such noble charity events such as Gamblers Anonymous and Gucci Shoes for Africa. In our private chambers, however, I will be quite the saucey wench as your tastes require. My Hope Chest has a large selection of costumes, equipment, aids and knot-tying manuals that will see your need to take a mistress staved off for many years. I have skills in verbalisation, extroversion, domination and have had some experience in menage-a-trois if the need arises. As your Princess I will be your complete whore in the bed chamber, Your Majesty. [attached: references.pdf]

My fertility test results and ovulation charts are attached [attached: fertility.pdf] and as you will note, my curvatious hips are more than adequate for producing at least one heir. If at any time I am required to take a lover, my professionalism will ensure discretion and any impregnation resulting in pregnancy will be dealt with in a swift and efficient manner.

I am available for interviews at your convienience. I am looking forward to hearing from you and to discussing how my talents and attributes might be an asset to your reign.

yours sincerely
[the future Princess] Michelle.