Living alone presents difficulties when it comes to food. Couple living alone with no desire to cook and you stand the real possiblity of starving to death - or at least contracting scurvy. I've proved, in the past, that a person can live on porridge and toast (separate meals, not in the same plate) for prolonged periods of time but really, people, it's not a good look. You end up resembling a bowl of oatmeal and I don't know about you but I don't look good in rolled oats.

So, welcome to the Fast Edible Meals for the Friendless. oh, I mean, Hungry. Fast Edible Meals for the Hungry, or FEMH which co-incidently is the same noise I make taking the first bite of a cream donut.

I mentioned a while back that I bought Jamie Oliver's wok/fryingpan/thing. Well it's just fan_tas_tic. If I wanted to, I could cook everything in the whole world in it! But I don't. Want to, that is. I do, however, cook a few things like the mushroomy-noodley thing I had for lunch.

And let me tell you how to prepare the mushroomy-noodley thing. First, you need mushrooms. Big, fat, feild mushrooms. Chop them up into big, fat chunks and throw them into the frying pan with a knob [heh, i said knob] of butter. Fry. [this is where it gets good] Then, rip open a packet of Trident Singapore noodles. You must, at *all times* have at LEAST six packets of various Trident noodles in your pantry at all times. Because they are to the millennium what porridge was to my hovel. Tease [ner ner big nose] apart the noodles and throw them into the pan with the mushrooms. You'll need a splash of liquid there because fluid's what gets these two ingredients really intimate. I just *happen* to have nonalcoholic liquid in the form of vegetable stock, but failing that wine'd do. A splash of stock and and toss all incredients until they're all hot and sizzling and look gross from the black of the mushrooms. Biff into a big black Japanese bowl [$2 at Countdown] and you've dodged death-by-stavation for another few hours. GO YOU!!

Today's installment of Fast Edible Meals for the Hungry has been brought to you by Jamie Oliver and Trident Noodle Selection. Though neither Mr Oliver nor the Trident Noodle Company are responsible or even TRYING the food mentioned above. Thank you.

Note: I find "couple living alone.." [first para] either a) every clever or b) very funny or c) both a) and b)