operator: Hi, thanks for calling Telecom, you're speaking
with Justin.

useless: Hi, Justin, my name is Michelle and I need your
help. [impressed by his lovely voice]
operator: *soft laugh*
What can I do to help, Michelle?

useless: I need to disconnect the phone at my flat.

operator: Well that's something I can easily help you with:
can I have your account number please?

useless: well, see,
this is where it starts becoming difficult: I've put everything
into storage and although I did keep important things like account
numbers out so I could do this, they somehow got packed in the end
too.

operator: that's okay too, I just need your phone number.

useless: and then that's the next problem: I'm so terrible
with numbers I never did learn it. I usually just ask Duana at work
because she knows it but she's on Waiheke so can't hear me from
here. see? I really need help.

operator: *laughs* okay, Michelle. I can still help. What
was the address? [he has a great laugh]

useless: [insert
address here]

operator: *tappity tap tap* okay Michelle, does [phone number]
sound familiar?

useless: *excited* yes yes it does that's my phone number!!


operator: *hearty laugh* well that's you, now just to confirm
it *is* actually you, I'm going to ask you a few questions about
your account. mmm.. let me see .. did you ahhh.. make a lot of toll
calls?
useless: ahh [trying to remember.. have I called
Australia recently? the States? ahhh.. *mind goes blank*] ahh..
i phoned a cellphone a lot.. mostlyyy just the one numberrrr maybeee
but I don't know it to tell you.

operator: *softly laughs again* what was your date of birth,
Michelle?

useless: now THAT I *do* know! 26 March [I'm not putting
the year in here]

operator: and what's your middle Initial?

useless: we're on a roll! I know this one too! Eff.... Eff
for Frances. It's my mother's name.

operator: *smiling voice* okay Michelle when do you want us
to disconnect this phone?

useless: As soon as possible please.. see , I moved out
weeks ago and because of the trauma associated with not knowing
my phone number it's taken me this long to do so as soon as you
can do it is fine and I understand it's Christmas Eve and all that
jazz so asap without any hassle would be great.

operator: No problems Michelle, we can do that for you. Do
you have a number we can contact you on if we run into any difficulties.

useless: ah.. yes.. this one.. but.. I don't know what it
is!

operator: *laughs* it's okay, I do.

useless: you do? oh could you tell me so I can write it
down? I have to phone Mercury Energy next and they're bound to ask
me that very same question.

operaor: [insert number recital and laughs in here]

useless: thankyou so much, Justin!

operator: You are very welcome, Michelle, it's been a pleasure.
Merry Christmas.

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